The Cabaret was…ok!

Thailand is popular for several things: milk tea, pad Thai noodles, mango sticky rice, longtail boats and beaches. We were crossing things off our Thai to-do list and knew we wanted to see a fancy show that might include some lady boys. So far, our experiences had mostly been amazing. While in Phuket we heard about the Phuket Simon Cabaret show. We did a little research online and found mixed reviews. The show enthralled some reviewers while it left others unsatisfied. One reviewer saw it FOUR times. We considered the timeline of when these disgruntled reviews were posted and thought maybe the cast had been refreshed. Big shows like to rotate performers, right? We were optimistic because we love live performances. We were sure it was going to be great!

Very shiny costumes

The best thing about the cabaret show? Their clothing; the costumes were mostly fabulous. The stage lights caught the gems and other sparkly things at just the right angles and lit up the room. There were feathers – so many feathers – and they were large and poofy. Some costumes lit up! Headpieces had rows of lights. Rib cages were illuminated. Some ladies had stars over their vaginas. Glowing vagina stars! Dancers paraded around in time to the music and occasionally in time with each other! And many of the lighted costumes lit up at the right time. I was disappointed  to see all performers in matching attire with only half lit. I accept things that are half-lit only at Sunday brunch.

Enthusiasm goes a long way

I quickly became a fan of one guy in particular, whom I will call Mr. Smiley, who wasn’t in every number but when he was onstage, you knew it. His toothy smile stretched across his face as big as Julia Roberts’, and that’s big! He was either genuinely happy to be there performing for us OR he was a complete ham and faking it. Either way, he gets my respect. He was committed to the show. Some of the other performers honestly looked bored to be onstage, half-heartedly lip syncing and looking disinterestedly out into the crowd. Teaching sixth grade now, I see those performer’s faces every day. I’m that guy with the big goofy grin, faking it until I make it, facing a sea of bored, shiny people.

Along with the lip syncing there were fake instruments. Some guys had trumpets and many actually held the trumpet up in the vicinity of their faces, almost near their mouths. A few moved their fingers on the valves to simulate playing. And then there were the ones who weren’t quite feeling it. Their mouthpieces were level with their chests as they plodded around onstage.

Back in Maine we had a friend with a bar in Portland. He ran a cabaret show a couple times a month and it was consistently phenomenal. I don’t know where his dancers came from but I was under the impression it wasn’t their full time gig. I had hoped this professional show would at least match Marcus’ caliber but it didn’t.

Music is universal…

…but there were a few things lost in this translation. Overall, it was an experience but it wasn’t executed as well as I anticipated. The staff was militant about the camera restriction during the show so I took no pictures. If you’re in Phuket and are hopeful they’ve rotated the cast, check out www.phuket-simoncabaret.com. I sincerely hope Mr. Smiley is still there.